A Deep Thirst for Life
I have a deep thirst for life and have left few stones unturned in exploring the full spectrum of what it means to be human.
I never want to look back on my life and wish I was bolder and braver and lived more freely.
I have always been a seeker and a searcher.
I have always had a connection to destiny and knew I was capable of great service to the world.
In my younger years this manifested in pushing and striving. I chased accolades, certificates and job titles. A common experience of the British education system where there is much pressure to achieve and chase status, success and financial security.
Part of my spiritual growth and development was driven by a sneaky desire to make myself more acceptable and cover up deep rooted feelings of unworthiness.
It took me many years to disentangle the strong voice of my soul which is always pushing me towards the horizon, and the voice of my inner judge which wanted me to be a better colleague, sister, daughter…
A better and therefore more acceptable person.
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I was always the person sat at the end of the dinner table asking the big questions about relationships, feelings and a sense of purpose.
As I got older, I got increasingly bored by surface level living and started to see through the faux veneers of safety that keep so much of our society contained.
The veil hiding what I thought was life was starting to slip.
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I went on a deep voyage of self discovery and immersed myself in the mysteries of soul, sexuality and spirituality.
I followed my yellow brick road.
The freedom I sought, I found within.
I reached a point of realising there was no where else to look other than inside myself.
Now my sense of striving remains rooted in destiny.
I still want to be the best version of myself.
However my sense which self has changed.
I don’t want to be acceptable to the majority consensus of success: beautiful, thin, smart, wealthy, perfect partner, sufficiently photogenic children, barley concealed addictions to the latest trends and Tik Toks about how great it all is…
I want to be the most embodied, most loving, most soulful, most TRUE version of myself so I can best serve my purpose.
I still want the things so many of us are striving for: to love and be loved, to share my life with my beautiful partner, to have a home and connections I am nourished by, abundance for the choices I want to make around health and travel. Great sex and lots of joy…
Yet I also want to be someone who can stand and withstand the crisis and chaos that is increasingly coming for us as the world starts to wake up faster than many of us are prepared for.
I want to be a voice of love and integrity in a world that has turned its gaze from soul and soil.
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I have unpeeled many layers and I will continue forever.
Purifying from a place of surrender and not self-flagellation.
Nothing can be taught if it hasn’t been experienced.
I am a living breathing experiment of attempted embodied soul.
Trying my best for humanity.
Willing to stand up and be seen for what I believe in.
Increasingly longing,
To be bold, to be brave.
To be human.
